


Everything You Deserve

by SkarpetkaMroku



Category: Fallen Hero Series - Malin Rydén, Fallen Hero: Rebirth (Video Game)
Genre: And this is both, Angst, Blood and Violence, But Not Good Feelings, Feelings, Hate Sex, Heavy Angst, I am unable to write anything beside angst and smut when it comes to Herald, Lovers to enemies but still lovers, M/M, Scars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:21:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21664381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkarpetkaMroku/pseuds/SkarpetkaMroku
Summary: You know you should regret becoming like that. Regret lost trust and faith. Regret destroying his ideals, breaking that ideal Poster Boy.But in reality you don't.Even if it's painful for both of you.Maybe you really are a monster.Maybe that’s what you deserve.
Relationships: Herald/Sidestep (Fallen Hero)
Kudos: 9





	Everything You Deserve

You remember when you kissed Herald for the first time. Or rather when he did it. Just a little brush of lips, so soft, so timid. You could almost convince yourself that you had imagined it if not for the pretty blush spilling over his face.

Now it's nothing like that. 

Now his hands are buried in your hair, fisted in strands, pulling in and pushing away at the same time, not caring about the way pained breath escape through your teeth. He bites your lips, raking them hard, seeming to grow more fervent tasting your blood and you don't hesitate to reciprocate favor. One of your hands have sneaked to his throat, keeping him in place, sometimes squeezing just enough to feel Herald’s frantic heartbeat, sometimes until you can see his face turning blue, tears flowing freely down his cheeks.

His eyes always locked with yours. He used to squeeze them shut when kissing you, something shy, something precious. Something vulnerable. You liked watching them flutter, liked how his eyes moved softly under eyelids. You liked making them flutter. Now he keeps them open all the time. You’re the biggest monster in the room and he can’t afford to let his eyes off you. 

And you find that so fascinating. So full of defiance. So invigorating, to see a steel hidden under flesh and blood. You love it. You love that you bring that in him. You love the way he never turns his eyes away from you. No matter if it’s civilians blood coating your armour or if it’s your fingers digging into his tights, leaving hickeys in the shape of violence. Even when his eyes are full of tears, when his mouth overflow with blood he still looks you straight into eyes. 

You have broken him so many times.

But at the same time you still haven’t managed to.

You have slammed him into wall, throw him against it, taking sadistic satisfaction from the way his head hit it with hollow thud. Your body is pressing hard into him, something that was a carres not so long ago, now is a way to cage him under you, remind him that you’re the one in control. That you are the one letting this happened. You catch his leg, while it wrap around your waist, your fingers effortlessly sliding down to his knee. Fabric of his suit so tight, your fingers can perfectly trace uneven bumbs of his scars.

You put it there. 

And You love it.

He tried to erase it but you didn't let him.

You like that. Keeping him in place, keeping him under your thumb.

You traded holding hands for wrapping them around his neck. Sweet, feather like kisses on your collarbone for deep painful bites, that feels like he’s trying to tear of a piece of you. Soft admissions failing from his lips between dust and dawn for abhorrent threats and dark promises. You traded surprised, sweet, romantic gestures, that you enjoyed even if you grumbled how much lame they were, for wondering if at last he had enough courage to put a bullet in your head. 

(You know everytime you turn your back on him he aims at your head. But you also know everytime, his hands shake so much he just give up, looking more and more broken every time, hands painted red trying to stop blood you’re spilling.)

The thing between you two, that something you couldn’t and still can’t find words for, It’s not about the pleasure anymore. More it’s a way to hurt each other. It’s a way to keep each other close, to keep each other on leash. 

And you let that happen.

You hate this because you can't really deny how much you enjoy seeing his face tears streaked and how sweet your name sounds on his lips, cried out in pain.

You love it, because It’s something just yours. That moment in the middle of fight or in the middle of kiss, when his eyes concentrate on you, you alone. Nothing else exist beyond that.

You know you should regret becoming like that. Regret lost trust and faith. Regret destroying his ideals, breaking that ideal Poster Boy.

But in reality you don't.

Even if it's painful for both of you.

Maybe you really are a monster.

Maybe that’s what you deserve.

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Am i enjoying hurting Herald? Maybe  
> Will i ever write anything happy when it come to him? He will be dicked down soon, that's max what i can offer  
> Want to scream at me? [My Tumblrrrrrr](https://skarpetkamroku.tumblr.com)  
> Hotel? Trivago


End file.
